Little notes on raising boys to be men:
The first thing that comes to mind with boys, is that I am so often admitting to myself that I have no idea what I am doing. So as with all things, I pray. I pray for wisdom, faithfulness, patience, I pray that I would respect him and at the same time that I would help him become respectable.
I was asking Jason one day, after one of the boys did something totally crazy, why it is that he (the boy) would ever think that doing "this" would actually be a good idea! Jason very wisely unfolded the inner thinkings of "the boy" to me. He said that boys look at things this way: "it would be so sweet if I climbed up really high to jump off that bookshelf and I bet I could throw in a couple of awesome twists while jumping!" Jason was very clear to point out that the thought of how that might hurt, or how that idea may not work, or how that idea could possibly lead to death, never enters "the boys" mind. That something could possibly be "sweet" is the whole thought process. And it is not much of a process! Boys get ideas, lots of ideas into their heads and they want to act them out. This is not a problem. Often as women we try to get our boys not to be this way. We try and tell them that it is wrong of them to think this way. But this is not helpful and it is not fruitful. Instead we need to realize that this is part of being a boy. Conquering bookshelfs now should be the beginning of conquering the world later. We need to be faithful to help our boys conquer things. We should be encouraging them as they try something new. We should encourage their adventuress spirits. And at the same time we need to teach them to think through their ideas. We need to teach them to stop and think, "is this a good idea?" "what will happen when I do this?". And boys will learn by their mistakes. And following and scraping a knee is a life lesson. "When I take a risk on my bike, it may end in some blood on the knee, but I can get back up again!" We need to teach our boys that when they fall, they need to get back up again. And when they fall because of something stupid they did, they need to get back up again and try from a different angle, or try a new approach all together, but it is so, so important to instill in them the need to get back up again!! We do not want to discourage our boys. We do want them to be afraid to try things. We do not want them to think that they cannot not succeed. If we do this then we have stifled one of their greatest assets to conquering the world. And as boys they need to get out there and conquer!
Respect. Boys turn into men. Shocking I know, but oh so true. How boys are filled up never changes. Their need for respect is ever constant. They need respect when they are young, old and everywhere in-between. I know that you might be thinking, 'seriously, how in the world do I respect my 8 year old who still needs me to remind him to brush his teeth?" Well the nice thing about respect is that he does not need to be respectable for you to respect him. And it is one of those things that works like this- you treat your son with respect, he will become respectable. I think that this puts a big responsibility on us as parents. And it is also really convicting. If my son is acting like a total basketcase, then it sure says a lot about how I am doing as a parent. Do not underestimate the need your boys have for respect!!!
How to render respect. There are so many ways but a good first step if you are new to this, is to write a respect letter. I do this with Cedric and it is amazing what it does for him. He carries it around with him all day and makes sure to put his special letter in a safe place for later. There was one time that he put it in his underwear drawer so that he could read it every morning! It was not a long letter or a super in depth letter. It was simple and to the point. And remember that it is us women that usually base how good a letter is by how long it is!
Lets just say that when you sit down to write this letter that nothing comes to mind. No problem. We go back to what we always go back to.....God. Pray that God would help you to see things in your son worthy of praise. This is a new way to "see" your sons so it might take a little time. But once you begin to see your sons this way, it will get clearer and clearer. And know that praising your sons should be based on his abilities. He wants to be good at stuff. Be a student of your sons and find out what they are good at. "Wow, you are such a good student." "You are so good at______________." "You really know how to ______________, good job." "I am so proud of the way you _____________." The list goes on and on. But start with the basics and keep it simple. I love putting notes in lunch boxes. Cedric always comes home with an extra big smile on his face when I do this.
Speak respectfully. Be so careful how you talk to your sons. Watch your tone, your facial expressions, your body language. They need to know that they are making you proud. They need to know that they are enjoyed. They need to know that you are so blessed to have them for sons! They need to know that you value them and esteem them. How you talk to them and what you say can either build them up ten feet tall or bury them deep into the ground. God created the world with words. Make sure that you are building your sons up with your words.
You have a great responsibility to build up your little guy. So build him and watch him become a man worthy of respect from kings. Think of the great men in Bible. You can be sure that an encouraging mom is behind them!!!
Blessings to you as you learn to respect your little guys!
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