Life On Steriods

Life is good.  The weather is an amazing 63 degrees.  My kids are at soccer with dad.  I talked to two of my sisters today.  Man do I miss you ladies.  I think you all need to come down here with your kids and we can just have a fun time in the sun together!

I went to the doctor today.  I did not want to go.  Jason wanted me to go.  I went.  I told Jason on the way that we should never, never do the steroid thing again.  I finally feel that it is all of out my system from my last round with that nasty stuff.  It makes you feel horrid.  It tempts me to act horrid.  And boy is it bad on the face.  I mean really, I puffed up like a cheese puff.  Not a good look for me.  So I decided on the way to the doctor today that I probably just needed a round of good ole antibiotics to kick what has been getting me down.  I went into the doc (who is a friend as well) and put on my happy face.  I gave him my symptoms with a calm and cheerful disposition.  I mean really, if you where there to hear me you might start cracking up.  "What seems to be the problem?"  I like to start my answers off with a note of,  "oh not much I just have not seen you in a while," kind of way.  I did say that I deserve a frequent visitor card.  For my sisters, they know that this is a big deal for me.  I do not like going to the doctor.  I avoid it at all costs in fact.  I often hear from my doctor that I wait too long to come in.  So I know that I am not a crazed hypochondriac....I have many temptations but this is not one of them.  Back to the conversation.  I did tell him that I woke the other night choking and coughing and having a hard time recovering.  I have been super short of breath, coughing up some beautiful green stuff, having chest pain, and (imagine this) having a hard time sleeping.  All of this and more was said in a super chipper tone.  He listened to my lungs for a while.  My doctor is awesome.  He is a christian and a man that I respect.  He is not over dramatic but calm and clear.  He told me very calmly that I need to go back on steroids   I do not sound good and I need to go on the good stuff for 15 days.  We are hoping that this 15 days does not turn into 3 months like the last time.  He said that my air flow is restricted which is troubling because I am on a high dose of an inflammatory inhaler already and this should not be happening.  This is what is going on inside of me: I can breathe in just fine, it is the out breath that is the problem.  I can not get all of the air out.  This is why my chest hurts so bad.  I have air in there that is puffing my lungs up like a balloon ready to burst....not a pleasant feeling I assure you.  I am short of breathe for this reason as well, and waking in the dead of night with horrible asthma attacks.  He also gave me an antibiotic because I have some type of infection.  It may be a sinus infection or it may be bronchitis but he said that it does not matter which one it is, breathing is the real problem.  This is when you know that do not have the "normal" run of the mill kind of health issues.  If you have had a sinus infection or bronchitis, you know that they are enough to put you out for a while.  But this was a minor detail in todays visit.  Super encouraging......I think not.  But I did get some super good news today.  I am in the middle of a root canal.  I do not like going to the dentist.  The good news is, i get to delay my root canal for a while because he cannot work on my while I am steroids!  I loved canceling that appointment today.  Here I was, sitting on the doctors bed and ready to accept this trial is not over.  I did keep calm.  I trust him.  I will take the nasty stuff because I know that I have to.  I will suck it up and feel like junk for the next while because I have to.  And in it all I really am thankful.  Is it hard, yes.  Manly because it is the cause of something bigger going on that we have yet to figure out.  We thought that in the spring we figured it out.  I had a major lung flare up because of my allergies.  But I am on allergy medication, and my allergies are under control at the moment.  So we rule that out.  Going on steroids is not done lightly by any doctor.  But I am thankful for them.  And I am thankful that I have a doctor who I trust.  I love that I told Jason I would never go on them again.  But here I am dosed up and feeling horrible already.  My head is killing me, I am shaky and I feel sick to my stomach.  I usually do not write when I hurt so bad.  But I wanted to so that my family and friends will know that I would love your prayers.  Prayers to figure out what in the world is going on with my lungs.  Prayers that I will be good at feeling nasty.  Prayers that I will stay close to my God as He hands me this trouble.  Prayers that I would bless my lovely family while I am sick.  Prayers that I would not have insomnia this time around.  My mom died of lung disease.  And watching her die was painful.  Lung disease is a brutal beast.  I want to kill it and have victory over it.  I want to beat it for my mom.  I still remember walking into the ICU when I was 18 and seeing my mom ravaged and beaten on life-support.  I thought I would be strong when I walked in.  I thought that I could handle seeing her.  I walked in, looked at her, gasped and left quickly in tears.  I want to beat this thing.  I want to hold my great-grandchildren.  Pray that we figure it out.  My mom was undignosed until the day she ended up on life support.  She lived only 4 more years after that.  She finally found a good doctor when she got super sick.  But it was too late.  He told us that.  I want a different story.  I have a doctor is pro-active and trying to figure out the "why" behind it all.  So my story is already different.  I am so blessed to have such supportive family, doctors and friends.  I just kept thinking that it would all just go away.  Ignore, ignore, ignore.  But I am motivated to figure this out so that I can better care for my family.  God gives us all of our days.  He knows them all.  Everyday I get to live for Jesus is a gift.  Health is a gift.  Having it taken away is the main means that God has used to change me.  I do pray that I come through this looking more like Jesus.  I do pray that I will reflect His glory more in this trial.  I have a smile on my face.  It does not stay on for long because it hurts my head to smile but my heart is thankful.  And I am honored to be worthy to walk through this trial.  May Jesus be seen clearly in the Farley home as we go through this together.

Thanks for all of your prayers.  I will probably not be around for awhile.

Blessings,
Erin